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Sex at 90 7/19/2007
Two 90 year olds had been dating
for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's
the night we have sex!" And so they did. As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself,
"My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been
much more gentle with her!" At the same time the woman was thinking to herself, "My
God, if I knew the old bugger could ...
0 Comments, 55 Views,
9 Votes
,4.71 Score
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Convict ! 7/19/2007
An escaped convict breaks into a house and ties
up a young couple who were sleeping in the bedroom. As soon
as he gets a chance, the husband turns to his voluptuous
young wife, who's bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown,
and whispers, "Darling, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years.
Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have
sex with you, just go along with it and ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
7 Votes
,5.08 Score
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Do You Suck? 7/19/2007
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her
17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her
over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid, "
she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing
caught her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked,
"Do you suck?" "No!" she shrieked, aghast. ...
0 Comments, 71 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
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an actual letter sent to American company Proctor and Gamble 7/18/2007
This is an actual letter sent to American company Proctor
and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling
after the first paragraph...
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over
20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak
Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go ...
2 Comments, 126 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
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Titalating Television 7/18/2007
WE HOPE YOU ENJOY OUR WAFFLE, DEBATE AND PONDERABLES.
JOIN US IN A SHITE-TALK INVESTIGATION INTO THE WHERE’S,
WHY’S AND HOW’S OF ALL KINDS OF STUFFTHIS WEEK:
TELEVISION
11pm Channel 1: The Mouth Wank Show,
with Melvin Slag. Forget Art’s and Culture, tonight Mr
Slag documents the relationships between tarts and live ...
0 Comments, 32 Views,
0 Votes
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PLEASE READ VERY SCARY ..... WE ALL DO THIS!!!! 7/17/2007
A woman went boating one Sunday taking with
her some cans of coke which she put into the refrigerator of the boat. On Monday
she was taken to the hospital and placed in the Intensive Care Unit.
She died on Wednesday. The autopsy concluded she died of Leptospirosis.
This was traced to the can of coke she drank from, not using a glass.
Tests showed that the can was infected by ...
1 Comments, 129 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Hall Way Sex! 7/17/2007
Elderly couples that have been
married longer than they both can remember have hall way
sex... when they both pass each other in a hall way they both
say "fuck you!"...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Personal Sites Acronyms 7/17/2007
Top Ten Acronyms Least Used In Personal Ads
10. JRLA -- Janet Reno Look-Alike
9. CWP -- Cigar-Wielding President
8. MSG S/G W/B M/F KOPWPFYB -- Moon walking Single-Gloved
Straight/Gay White/Black Male/Female King Of Pop With
Predilection For
7. RHMI -- Really Hip Macarena Instructor
6. HAWGSOH -- Heroin Addict with Great Sense of Humor
5. ...
1 Comments, 50 Views,
5 Votes
,4.77 Score
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Sex code 7/17/2007
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "a code"
to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting
their in on it. They decided on the word "typewriter."
One day the husband told his five year old , "Go
tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter."
The told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded, "Tell
your daddy that he can't type a letter right now ...
2 Comments, 161 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Back Seat 7/17/2007
A guy on a date parks and gets the girl in the back seat and
they make love. The girl wants it again and the guy obliges
her. She wants more and they do it again. She still wants
more and the guy says "Excuse me a minute I have to relive myself." While out of the car
he notices a guy a half block away changing a flat. He asks
the guy "Look, I've got this gal in my car and I've
given it to her ...
0 Comments, 90 Views,
4 Votes
,1.69 Score
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A Stiff One 7/17/2007
After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her
own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to
the table where she was sat and said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?"
The woman blushed and replied: "If you're sure
you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."
The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered
into the woman's ...
0 Comments, 85 Views,
5 Votes
,0.53 Score
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Grandma In Court 7/16/2007
Grandma Goes to Court
Defense Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what
happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing
on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man
comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense ...
2 Comments, 136 Views,
12 Votes
,6.16 Score
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Multi-racial baby 7/16/2007
A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is
asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present
at the birth. "I'm afraid I don't have a husband"
she replies "O.K. do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife
"No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?" "No, I'm unattached, I'll be having my baby
on my own." After the birth the midwife again speaks to the ...
2 Comments, 130 Views,
7 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Woman vs Man poems 7/16/2007
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man ...
2 Comments, 62 Views,
8 Votes
,5.33 Score
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Jim's Guide to Married Men 7/16/2007
This is what Not to do for a happy marriage, and especially
happy retirement!
Subject: Jim's Guide to Married Men It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older,
it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality
of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice
this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and
there's nothing worse than ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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life 7/16/2007
There are some good ones in here!
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
...
0 Comments, 46 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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preacher had a teenage 7/16/2007
An old-time southern, hell fire & brimstone country
preacher had a teenage , and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what
he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an ...
0 Comments, 44 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Eleven Reasons E-mail is like a Penis: 7/16/2007
11 . Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut
off.
10. Those who have it think that those who don't are
somehow inferior.
9. Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat,
but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have
it make about it.
8. Many of those who don't have it would like to try it,
a phenomenon psychologists ...
0 Comments, 30 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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REMEMBER WHEN... 7/16/2007
> > A computer was something
on TV > > From a science fiction show. > > A window was something you hated to clean > > and RAM was the cousin of a goat.
» > > Meg was the name of my girlfriend, > > And GIG was when a band played at night. > > Now they all mean different things, > > And that really Mega Bytes'
» > > An Application was for employment, > > A ...
0 Comments, 24 Views,
0 Votes
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Shit Happens 7/16/2007
Two buddies, Tony and Steve, are
getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Steve throws up
all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Jane will kill me!"
Tony says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty
in your breast pocket, tell Jane that someone threw up on
you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill."
So they stay for another couple of hours and get even ...
1 Comments, 70 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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"Oh Ole!!" 7/15/2007
A Doctor in Minnesota told his assistant, "Ole, I
am going hunting tomorrow and I don't vant to close
the clinic. I vant you to be in charge of the clinic and take
care of da patients."
"Yes sir, " answers Ole.
The next day, the doctor returns from hunting...and asks
Ole, "So, Ole, how did you get along yesterday?"
...
0 Comments, 77 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Drunk In A Confession Booth 7/15/2007
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and wanders
over to the confessional box. He opens the door, sits down
and says nothing. The bewildered priest waits for a few
minutes, allowing the drunken man some time to collect
his thoughts. Growing impatient, the priest coughs to
attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final ...
5 Comments, 157 Views,
15 Votes
,5.12 Score
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F*cking Dishes! 7/15/2007
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds
one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever
it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the
seal should be.
Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to
meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where
she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens
at dinner tonight, don't ...
5 Comments, 137 Views,
17 Votes
,6.10 Score
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Pussy Tricks 7/15/2007
A man is sitting on a train across from a busty blonde wearing
a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop
staring at the top of the females' thighs. To his delight,
he realizes she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realizes he is staring and enquires, "Are
you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry" replies the man and promises
to avert his eyes.
...
2 Comments, 193 Views,
15 Votes
,5.27 Score
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An old couple outside 7/14/2007
An older couple were out in the yard one day. The man sitting
on the porch, the woman bent over in the garden. The man looks at the old woman and calls over, "Hey
momma! Ya know...your ass has gotten really big over the
years!" The lady ignores him....shakes her head and goes back to
her gardening....Then she hears his foot steps behind
her as he says' "Ya know momma...I'm pretty
certain that ...
2 Comments, 113 Views,
11 Votes
,4.10 Score
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This may change the world 7/13/2007
Apple Corp have announced a revolutionary development
of the successful IPod which is so miniaturised it can be
implanted in the body, and taking the obvious step, have
begun to market through the Cosmetic Surgery world under
the name 'Apple ITit'.
It holds up to 500, 000 tracks and can also be programmed
to give quadrophonic performance by putting a synchronised
pair in each breast ...
3 Comments, 101 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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So you know everything? 7/13/2007
A man and woman who have been married for twenty five years
were eating breakfast one morning. The wife was going on
and on about how well she knew her husband when he said, "If
you know me so well, dear, tell me something that will make
me happy and mad at the same time."
"That's easy." his wife complied, looking
him dead in the eye. "Your dick is a little bigger then
your brother's!"
1 Comments, 90 Views,
10 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Service 7/12/2007
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning
of the word
" service ."
"It's the act of doing things for other people."
Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE
:
Internal Revenue Service Postal Service Telephone Service Civil Service City & County Public Service Customer Service Service Stations Then I became ...
0 Comments, 47 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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Bad Day 7/12/2007
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying
to get a stay of execution for a who was due to be hanged
for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed
and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home
is this? Where have you been?' ...
0 Comments, 60 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Home Security 7/12/2007
HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN THE SOUTH
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used
size 14-16 work boots. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns
& Ammo Magazine. 3. Put a few giant dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went for more
ammunition. Back in an hour. ...
1 Comments, 47 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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